Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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