it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
