He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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