i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
