My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
