One girl and one boy is just not enough.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I love you. Go after that dick
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
