I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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