are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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