This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
how does that bad decision feel?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
