Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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