The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
