I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
