nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
