Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
