Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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