do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
