Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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