Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
