i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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