Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
