i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
