FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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