Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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