Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
