Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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