I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
