I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
