so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
