just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
