you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
