can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
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