It's like a parade of train wrecks.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
