Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
