My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
