During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
