I wish I could teleport
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
