She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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