Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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