'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
