it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
