Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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