what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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