Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
