Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
another moral hangover. fuck.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
