I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
