hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
