We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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