Your tits are I can't wait for
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
