I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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