Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
