Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
